the blue muse

It is almost February, at last. I have to say that I am glad to see it come, the month of hearts and flowers, after this month that has hovered, continually, in shades of grey. I have never had a problem with January before, but this year, I shall be glad to say goodbye to it.

It’s funny the way we think of time, as if a new month really makes a difference, just because it is called a different name. The way Friday is a better day than Tuesday, the way seven o’clock seems more optimistic than eleven.

What if we didn’t mark the passing of time? What if a year or a month or a day never came to end, what if it all just flowed continuously? I wonder how this would change our thinking, if it would change what we accomplish in a day or a month or a year. How would we chart our to-do lists, our calendars, our plans?

How would we keep track of the time that has passed, the years our children were born, the day we were married, the first time our heart was broken? We know that tomorrow never comes. But what if it were all just one long today? What if we didn’t mark it out in 24-hour spans, sunrises and sunsets, sleeps and awakenings? What if it all just went on and on before us? It’s hard to imagine how this would change the way we live.

I always feel like I am running out of time, there is never enough of it in which to do all the things I need or want to do. But what if I simply removed the deadline? What would happen then? Would I relax more, do less, accomplish nothing? I am definitely the kind of person who is driven by deadlines. I am not a do-it-ahead-of-time kind of girl. Often, I wish I was like that, and it is not that I don’t see the value in doing things ahead of time, it is usually more that there are three or five or ten other things that need doing before the ones coming up in the future.

Then I start to think of the time I waste, which of course, then makes me wonder if that is even a valid phrase. Is there such a thing as wasted time? Isn’t doing nothing, or the illusion of doing nothing, still time spent doing something? Even if it’s nothing?

Okay, now I am starting to confuse myself.

A flower doesn’t know what day it is, what hour, what week. A flower doesn’t try to spend its time like currency, opening its blooms as quickly as possible so it will have more time to relax, or set seed. A flower drinks up the rain and turns its face towards the sun.

A flower never wastes one bit of energy worrying about whether or not the sun will rise, or whether someone will pluck it from the garden, or trample it to the ground.

A flower just keeps on growing.