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calling myself back home
There are times when life gets away from me.
And after the dust settles, I must work my way back to myself.
Back to a place where I live in my head, in words, in my writing. In my heart. Living the life I want to live, being the person I want to be. Paying attention to what’s important and looking past all the things that are not.
I love it when I’m there, it’s where I want to be, everyday. But during those times when life comes by and drags me away, kicking and screaming, I find myself in a different place, a place of distraction, disorientation, indecision.
I then I am not who I was five minutes ago.
I am not where I was yesterday, grounded. I am lost. Out of place. And all I want is to feel that comfort and that strength and that focus.
So I’m working on it, working my way back to my words, through my words. Working my way up this hill once again, one rock and slippery slope at a time.
I know that when I get there, the view will have changed, that is life. The words I thought were there will tell a different story. I know this, but it does not stop me, does not keep me from climbing. It does not keep me from ignoring the mud on my feet, the scratches on my legs, the burdens of life that weigh me down.
Because when I stand on the top of that hill once again, I will feel whole and centered. I will feel like me.
The me I want to be, rather than the stressed-out, tearful mess I was last week.
The me with roots in this hill of words and hair that whispers in the breeze.
The me with vowels and consonants flowing through her veins.
The me inside the words.
And then I will spill myself out between the lines, bleeding
thoughts and feelings I did not know existed,
until I stitch myself back together
one comma, one hyphen
at a time.
:
:: :: ::
:
For debi, and for mrs. which, and for me.
Comments
Thank you Kelly. When you are, and when you aren’t , who you want to be, you still inspire the rest of us to be better than we are. Just this morning , your comments on my post helped me with My own story.
Posted by: Michael Douglas Jones | September 15th, 2010 09:43
Speechless…SO beautiful, Kelly!
Posted by: Skye Daniels | September 15th, 2010 09:48
Wow what an intensely beautiful post, almost felt like I was climbing that rock with you. Big hug.
Posted by: Kathryn | September 15th, 2010 10:08
i know this place, this hill. when you climb, letters and phrases fall behind you, kicked away by your steps. i like that – they are just in the way of you getting to the top. where the truth lies, thorny and hidden, but there for the searching and picking and bleeding. bless you for this gift.
Posted by: Debi | September 15th, 2010 10:38
Whew Kelly, again you leave me without words to describe my feelings, beautiful.
Posted by: Nana | September 15th, 2010 12:59
Oh, goodness. This is just pure goodness.
So much beauty in your words. And strength & softness.
Thank you for sharing you with us.
Posted by: julia | September 15th, 2010 13:16
The real me sees the real you as kin.
Posted by: MrsWhich | September 15th, 2010 18:59
What an amazing post! You helped me realize that I’ve lost my way and need to find my way back home to myself!
Posted by: Jamie | September 15th, 2010 19:42
Your words are woven together beautifully–like a poem… I love that they whisper with such emotion. thanks for sharing yourself!
Posted by: Valerie Weller | September 16th, 2010 01:14
Good for you for climbing that slippery slope. Lovely writing!
Posted by: Shalet | September 16th, 2010 08:11
What a beautiful post – the writing and the meaning. I know so well what you are writing about but so good to see it written.
Posted by: Silvia Byrne | September 16th, 2010 19:02
You are lucky to have your words to pull you back in..to ground you. We all go thru times in our lives when everything feels out-of-balance. Good to hear that you are slowly finding your way back!
Posted by: Marcie | September 17th, 2010 07:00
to have the words come to you on “paper” after struggling through lifes ups and downs is a really a gift ..you fought back and are winning this for yourself today..beautifully written .. and oh the photo along side the words with softness and strength
Posted by: elk | September 17th, 2010 21:12
“the me inside the words…home”…
i love this madly, truly, deeply.
much love to your ME. xox
Posted by: rachel awes | September 20th, 2010 06:25
Oh that place I visit all too often and get lost in my own thoughts and struggles. Oh to be grounded daily would be a blessing~ Stay strong and on top of that hill. Brightest blessing for a wonderful week.
Posted by: Theresa | October 4th, 2010 12:18